Ten Little Tiptons
by Jane Poirot
Summary: Zack and Cody have to rewrite the Agatha Christie classic 'And Then There Were None' as an English assingment and soon learn that art imitates life...
1. Prologue

Prologue

**Disclaimer: 'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody' is not mine; if it was, season two would be a lot better than it is now! Also, 'And Then There Were None', regrettably, is not mine. PS, a lot of AC fans will want to have my head for tying a classic novel with a TV show that has now jumped the shark, so keep in mind that this is just for fun; PPS, Zack and Cody's rewrite will contain lots of accurate spoilers for the novel, so read it first before reading what comes after the prologue or else you will be SPOILED. You have been warned.**

It was just another typical Saturday afternoon for the Martins. Zack was playing a video game, Cody was doing his homework, and Carey was downstairs practicing her latest song. At least, Cody was _trying_ to do his homework, but the 'blam-blam-blams' from Zack's video game were distracting him.

"Zack, could you please turn that down just a notch?" Cody asked above the video game noises.

Zack fully heard what Cody was saying, but chose to ignore him and continued to slaughter the game aliens.

"I **said**, could you please turn it down just a notch?" said Cody even louder.

Zack continued to keep on playing. Three more aliens to go, and he'd move on up to the final level!

"Zackary Martin, turn it down _now!_" shouted Cody. He knew Zack hated being called Zackary and thought it would get his attention, but it didn't.

Cody lost his patience, got up, walked over to the TV, and pulled the plug.

"Hey!" exclaimed Zack. "What was _that_ for?"

"That's for ignoring me when I politely asked you to turn down the volume of that incessant game of yours," said Cody. "You were breaking my concentration!"

"_I_ was breaking _your_ concentration?" asked Zack. "What about you? That annoying scritch-scratch noise from your pencil nearly caused me to lose the game!"

"Well, I'm almost done my math homework anyway," said Cody. "After that, the only thing we have left is English."

"**We?**" asked Zack.

"Yes, we," said Cody. "Don't you remember the assignment that was given to us the other day? The one where we have to rewrite the best-selling mystery novel of all time?"

"Which one was that again?" asked Zack. He was half-teasing, half-serious. "Was that the one where those people keep getting killed off one-by-one? What's it called? And Then There Were Many?"

"_No,_ it's called And Then There Were _None_, you doofus," snapped Cody.

"And Then There Were None You Doofus…now that's a catchy title!" joked Zack.

"C'mon, you enjoyed it, and you know it," said Cody. "You're just too embarrassed to admit you actually liked a book that didn't have pictures of cute girls in it, one that had depth and meaning to it, one that plays off human guilt!'

"Wow, for the first time in your life, you're wrong," remarked Zack.

Cody paused. He decided to test Zack: "All right then, what did you think of Vera Clayton?"

"Her name's Vera _Claythorne_."

"Ha!"

Zack sighed, "All right, all right, I _did_ like it, but if you tell anyone that I read a book I liked, I'll use Agnes to beat you up! Anyway, what's this rinky-dink assignment?"

"We have to re-write the story in any way we want it," said Cody.

"_Any_ way?" asked Zack. "Wow, I'm beginning to like this assignment!"

Cody felt Zack's forehead and said, "Zack, are you running a fever?"

"Ha, ha, very funny," said Zack. "Just start writing this sucker, okay? You know how bad my hand-writing, spelling, and grammar is."

"Yeah—you were so bad, you made our English teacher cry," said Cody.

"Watch it," said Zack warningly. "So here's the deal: I'll dictate whatever comes to mind and you write it and you can even throw in any ideas you occasionally get."

"Okay, but don't forget that I have the right to edit something if I don't like it," warned Cody.

"Two more things," said Zack. "One, maybe we should put a disclaimer at the beginning of each chapter in case this accidentally falls into the wrong hands and we get sued. Heck, maybe we should even put up a disclaimer for ourselves! How about we say something like…'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody doesn't belong to us; it belongs to some big-named company I can't think of at the moment'…wait, I've got it! _Disney!_ Yeah, that would make sense since the last school we went to was Disney Middle School!"

"Why the heck would we put up a disclaimer for _ourselves?_" asked Cody. "That's completely moronic! We're real people; we're not two completely made up characters on a semi-realistic sit-com!"

"Not in _this_ dimension at least," said Zack, looking directly into the camera.

"Okay, okay, fine I'll put up a disclaimer for ourselves," sighed Cody. "What was the other thing you said you wanted to talk about?"

"How about we use the same _last_ names for the characters in the novel, but we use the same _first_ names as most of the people we know?" suggested Zack. "Vera Claythorne could become Maddie Claythorne, Thomas and Ethel Rogers are now Esteban and Muriel Rogers," (he shuddered at the thought of Esteban and Muriel together, but went on), "Anthony Marston becomes London Marston, William Blore is transformed into William Moseby—that's the one exception because I don't know what Mr. Moseby's first name is—and the boatman is Arwin. I can't think of anyone else to represent the judge, Miss Brent, the General, and the doctor, so we'll leave them as they are."

"And I suppose you plan on calling Philip Lombard _Zack_ Lombard?" asked Cody.

"You know me all too well," said Zack.

Cody pulled out his sharpest pencil and began writing a few sentences of his own before Zack contributed…


	2. Chapter 1

1

**Disclaimer: We own nothing related to 'And Then There Were None'; we are doing this for a school project and make no money off of this. And I can't believe I'm writing this, but 'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody' belongs to Disney.**

The boat carrying the guests to Tipton Island gently rocked back and forth on the waves. While some weren't affected by it, others were becoming sea sick.

"Are we there yet, Mr. Boatman?" asked London Marston.

"No, Ms. Marston, not yet," said Arwin T. Boatman, who had just finished barfing over the rail.

London sighed, "Aw, but I want to show the Owens a new trick moi learned."

"Let me guess: You learned a French word other than 'moi'?" asked Maddie Claythorne sarcastically.

"Non," said London.

Maddie rolled her eyes and muttered, "Boy, am I glad I brought my Zack-a-tron with me, guaranteed to block out the noise of your annoying, know-it-all brother who refuses to shut up about Quantum physics or the speed of light or whatever! Now available wherever underground school merchandise is sold!"

"_Zack, that's product placement, and you know it!" said Cody, clearly horrified at the thought of a cheap rip-off of earplugs which Zack had imprinted the word 'Zack-a-tron' on them being included in a rewrite of a classic novel._

"_Yeah, so, what's the big deal?" asked Zack, grabbing a nearby banana._

"_The big deal," said Cody as though explaining it to a five-year-old, "is that this is exploitation, which Agatha Christie would NEVER want! She'd want our rewrite to contain as much integrity for her original work as possible!"_

"_Uh, Cody, do you think Agatha Christie would even WANT two thirteen-year-old boys to rewrite her masterpiece in the first place?" challenged Zack. He saw the look of annoyance on Cody's face as he unpeeled his banana and sighed, "Okay, okay, erase my attempt at raking in the cash for our family. I've got an even better idea for what Maddie Claythorne should say anyway."_

_Cody's eraser flew furiously across Zack's cheap product placement before his pencil began writing:_

Maddie rolled her eyes and muttered, "But, I cun hurdly mait mo bet goo tha island."

"_Oops," said Zack sheepishly. "My bad. My mouth was full of banana."_

"_Fine," sighed Cody. "I didn't write out THAT much, anyway. You know what, how about you finish your banana and I write out the guests' journey to the island, okay?"_

_Zack shrugged._

_Cody erased the few words he had written down and wrote down the gist of what Zack was saying, along with some words of his own:_

Maddie rolled her eyes and muttered, "Boy, I can't wait until we get to the island. I wonder what the Owens are like? Have any of you ever met them?"

There was an awkward silence. Each guest kept glancing at one another, as though hoping the person sitting next to them would have the answer, but none of them did. London burst out laughing, startling Arwin, "Well, isn't this just peachy! You all agree to come to a party without knowing the host!"

"What about yourself, Miss Marston?" asked Inspector Moseby.

"Why, Inspector Moseby, it happens to me all the time!" exclaimed London.

"I'll bet it does," muttered Maddie. Her eyes met Zack Lombard's who had been staring out to sea up until this moment. A wolf-like grin spread across Zack's face as he said, "Well, isn't this rather cozy?"

"Yeah…it is," said Maddie awkwardly. She laughed lightly and said, "Nice weather we're having, aren't we?"

"I should hardly think so," said Zack. "It's beginning to rain; look!"

And so it was. Rain drops from above began splashing on the guests' heads, splashing as though they had been sealed up in a bottle for years and were relieved to be set free. They woke up General Macarthur, who had been dreaming about his dead wife, Leslie. He blinked and said, "Oh! Are we there, already?"

"No," said Dr. Armstrong. "But we should be there right about…now!"

As if on cue, the clouds up ahead parted to reveal the glorious Tipton Island. Oddly enough, it was shaped like a grand hotel sitting on the ocean, with a house smack dab in the middle of its top.

"Well…this is it," muttered Judge Wargrave. "Here comes a rather pleasant weekend…"

"_There!" said Cody. "I'm done with the first chapter."_

"_Good," said Zack. "What do you say we tackle that sucker of a second chapter now?"_

"_Sure," sighed Cody, thinking, this is going to be a LONG assignment…_


	3. Chapter 2

2

"_You know what, Zack?" said Cody. "I've a feeling I'd get real tired of writing a new disclaimer at the beginning of each chapter, so I think I'll write a disclaimer to end all disclaimers before we start up again."_

**Final Disclaimer: Although the chances of us being property of some soulless company that used to be about entertaining children but is now about making money and shoving sitcoms with notorious bad writing and even worse acting down our throats is highly unlikely, we do not belong to anyone, nor does our 'Suite Life', which is a somewhat corny title if I do say so myself. Plus, we don't own anything belonging to the masterpiece that is of Agatha Christie—Zack is peeking over my shoulder and telling me that I'm getting long-winded, so I'll stop here.**

"I'm telling you, sweet cakes, it'll never work!"

Back on the island, the two loyal servants, Esteban Rogers and his wife Muriel Rogers, were debating over what to do about their impending guests.

"Muriel, have I ever doubted you before?" asked Esteban.

"Gee, how about the time you promised me a thirty-two karat diamond ring, only to give me a thirty-two pound carrot cake?" asked Muriel sarcastically.

"Aside from that?" said Esteban quickly.

"Well, I guess if you say nothing will go wrong, than nothing will go wrong," shrugged Muriel. "I'm just saying that when—"

"Shush!" said Esteban suddenly. "The boat is here."

ZCZCZCZCZCZC

"Isn't the hotel beautiful?" gasped Maddie.

"Yes, it is," said Zack, looking directly at Maddie.

Maddie blushed, but continued to walk up the stony path.

"_Hang on a minute," said Cody. "You didn't say anything about the boat docking. How do we know they're on the island?"_

"_Duh, Esteban says the boat is here," said Zack as though the answer were obvious._

"_Yes, but how do we know from the guests' point of view that they did arrive?" argued Cody. "How do we know the amount of time that lapsed between Esteban and Muriel arguing and the guests arriving?"_

"_Picky, picky," scoffed Zack, rolling his eyes. "This is an amateur adaptation for Pete's sake! We're not writing anything Nobel Prize worthy!"_

"_Point taken," admitted Cody. "Let's keep writing."_

"What kind of stone is this rock made out of?" asked London, pointing to the stony path leading up to the hotel.

"I believe it's made out of limestone to be perfectly accurate," said Inspector Moseby in a most formal manner.

"Where?" asked London, getting down on her knees. "I don't see any limes."

"That's because limestone doesn't have any limes," said Inpector Moseby calmly.

"Then why is it called limestone?" asked London.

"Because it was formed from living organisms in the sea that had a somewhat lime-ish color to them," said Inspector Moseby, trying not to lose his patience. He began to take a few steps forward when he heard the voice of London Marston say, "But why is it called limestone?"

His back tensed up, but he kept telling himself, "Keep going, Moseby. Just a few hours and this brat will be off your hands…"

Soon, everyone had arrived up to the glorious Tipton Hotel, where two perky servants were standing next to each other. "Welcome American peoples," said Esteban. "My name is Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Rogers, son of Diego Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Rogers…" He took a deep breath before saying, "And his wife, Gladys."

"Now that's what I call a windbag!" snickered Zack.

"And I'm Muriel Rogers, but call me Muriel," said Muriel. "Welcome to Tipton Island! Now first off, any stories about ghosts coming to cut your heads off in the middle of the night are not true and anyone who told you otherwise is an idiot. Any questions? You, with the purple cap."

"Are you serving limestone for supper?" asked London.

"_I don't know about you, but I think this is a good place to end our chapter," said Cody. "It fits the dramatic irony of the comedy perfectly."_

"_Whatever," said Zack, rolling his eyes. "Now let's tackle that next chapter!"_


	4. Chapter 3

3

Time flew by and the next thing everyone knew, it was dinnertime. Dinner was served on the patio, where the sea could be seen and heard. The gentle sound of waves crashing up against the rocks provided a soothing lullaby for the nervous guests—all except one.

"What's the matter, Miss Claythorne?" asked Zack. "Don't you like this dinner served before us?"

"Oh, I do," assured Maddie. "It's just that blasted noise of those waves; they're driving me insane!"

"Why ever so?" asked Zack. "I find them to be quite peaceful."

"Well—it's just—never mind," sighed Maddie. "I had a bad experience with the sea a while back."

"Ah, sea sickness," nodded Zack.

Maddie said nothing and just silently ate the steak that lay before her.

Meanwhile, Inspector Moseby was on the verge of losing his patience as he ate with London.

"But why is this desert called pineapple if there aren't any pinecones or apples in it?" asked London.

"The pineapple is a certain type of fruit that grows off the trees on the tropical island Hawaii," said Inspector Moseby, holding his knife in a most threatening position as he stabbed it into his steak. "And for the last time, a dessert is the treat you get after having supper; a desert is a barren wasteland where temperatures have been known to sore up as high as one hundred and forty degrees Fahrenheit!"

"Is anything the matter?" asked Wargrave, who was sitting at another table with Miss Brent, General Macarthur, and Armstrong.

"No, we're just fine," said Inspector Moseby, trying desperately to keep calm. As he raised his knife to cut another piece of steak, London said, "But why is it called pineapple?"

Inspector Moseby finally lost his patience and dug too deep and too fast into the steak and as he did, the steak suddenly slipped off the plate, flew in the air, and landed in Miss Brent's hair. Miss Brent let out a yelp and flung the stake off her hair and onto the ground, where Esteban, who was about to serve the rest of the dessert, slipped on the steak. The dessert went flying into the air and landed in different places; the ice cream landed in London's hair (who wondered why it was called ice cream when it had neither cream nor ice in it), the crepes landed on Zack and Maddie's plates, the strawberry cheesecake (minus the strawberry on top) landed smack dab in the middle of Wargrave, Miss Brent, General Macarthur, and Armstrong's table, the missing strawberry landed in Inspector Moseby's mouth, and the tray of chocolate chip cookies landed on a nearby gramophone player, pressing the needle down and causing the following speech to be launched: "Ladies and gentlemen! Silence please! You are charged with the following indictments! Dr. Armstrong, that you did upon the fourteenth day of March, 1925, cause the death of Louisa Mary Clees!

"Emily Caroline Brent, that upon the fifth of November, 1931, you were responsible for the death of Beatrice Taylor.

"William Henry Moseby, that you did cause the death of James Stephen Landor on October the tenth, 1928.

"Madeline Margaret Genevieve Miranda Catherine Claythorne, that upon the eleventh day of August, 1935, you killed Cyril Ogilvie Hamilton.

"Zackary Lombard, that upon a date in February 1932, you were responsible for the death of twenty-one men, members of an East African Tribe.

"General John Gordon Macarthur, that upon the fourth of January, 1917, you deliberately sent your wife's lover, Arthur Richmond, to his death.

"London Marston, that upon the fourteenth day of November last, you were guilty of the murder of John and Lucy Combes.

"Esteban Ricardo Julio Montoya De La Rosa Rogers and Muriel Rogers, that on the sixth day of May, 1929, you brought about the death of Jennifer Brady.

"Lawrence John Wargrave, that upon the fifth day of June, 1930, you were guilty of the murder of Edward Seton.

"Prisoners at the bar, have you anything to say in your defence?"

"_Phew," sighed Cody, shaking his sore hand. "I don't know about you, but I think we should take a break. My hand is killing me!"_

"_Good idea," said Zack. "I'm fresh out of brilliant ideas anyway."_

"_As usual," muttered Cody._


	5. Break

The first place Zack and Cody wanted to go was downstairs, so they began to walk down the hall.

"Have you noticed that Donald Duck doesn't wear pants?" asked Cody.

"That's exactly why he's my hero," replied Zack. "Remember that one time when we were younger and Mom took us to the beach and my bathing suit bottoms got itchy and—"

"Don't remind me," shivered Cody.

"Shush!" hissed Zack. "Do you hear that? It sounds like Muriel and Esteban are talking!"

"I know what you're thinking and _no,_" said Cody. "Remember the time we thought we heard an animal being tortured and told Mom, only to find out that it was just some Scotsman?"

"Cody, the only people who would remember _that_ sort of stuff would be a kid's TV show writer whose memory lasted for longer than two hours, and we all know _those_ don't exist," said Zack, rolling his eyes.

"Well, we'd need our special listening equipment, right?" said Cody, trying to find a way out of falling for another one of his brother's idiotic schemes.

Zack whipped out two stethoscopes from his shorts pockets.

Cody decided he was better off not asking Zack how he always had what he needed with him, sighed, and took one of the stethoscopes. The two brothers bent down, pressed the stethoscopes against the wall, and eavesdropped on Esteban and Muriel's conversation.

"I'm telling you, it'll _never_ work!" said Muriel's voice.

"Of course it will," said Esteban's voice. "Haven't I always been right?"

"Except for the ninety-nine percent of times you were wrong, yeah, you've always been right."

"Oh, must you _always_ have this kind of attitude? If you continue to think that way, the plan will _never_ work!"

"But what if they suspect?"

"They won't."

"How can you be sure?"

"Just trust me."

"Well, it's almost time for me to go. I've gotta go to my Aunt Flo's hundredth birthday. Suddenly, turning one hundred is a big deal!"

"See you late, Muriel. And don't forget: We meet again at Sprouse's Grocery Store at ten o'clock tonight!"

Zack and Cody put down their stethoscopes and walked around a corner. They paused, waited for Muriel to leave (while pretending to inspect the paintings on the wall), then walked back around the corner only to see Esteban walking by, innocently whistling. "Hey, Esteban," said Zack and Cody in unison.

Esteban nearly jumped a foot in the air. "Aaah! Little blonde peoples! What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that?"

"Since the writers have a terrible memory, I can't really recall," replied Zack.

"What the heck inspired you to say _that?_" asked Cody.

"Let's just say I'm a mind reader and my special talents are at their highest when I feel as though someone's watching me, particularly, shall I say…a large majority of people?" shrugged Zack, winking at the audience.

Cody figured the stress of getting their English assignment done was finally getting to Zack, so he said to Esteban, "So, Esteban, Zack and I couldn't help but hear you and Muriel talking. What were you talking about?"

"Nothing," said Esteban quickly. "I know nothing little blonde peoples. I didn't talk to anyone. We didn't agree to meet anywhere. Why are you asking? Are you planning on turning me in?" Esteban quickly regretted saying that and covered his mouth, but it was too late.

"Turning you in _where?_" asked Zack, crossing his arms.

Esteban's eyes darted madly around the hall as he tried to think up an excuse to get out of having to blow everything: "I…oh, I, uh…I just meant, uh…oh, is that the time? I'd better get going! I don't want to be late for, uh…the last-minute sale on the Hannah Montana tickets! I'd better bring my javelin along; I've heard those girls can be nasty!" Before Zack or Cody could further confront Esteban by pointing out that Hannah Montana only performs in Malibu on the same stage every freaking time she sings and never goes on tour for some strange reason that would suggest a lack of knowledge of singing sensations due to a writer's laziness, Esteban ran faster than a cheetah.

There was a thirty-second pause before Cody said, "A _javelin?_"

"Actually, that's a pretty good excuse," said Zack. "Believe me, those girls can get pretty ugly!"

Cody decided he was better off not asking Zack how he knew that and raced Zack to the elevator.

ZCZCZCZC

"Thank you and do come again," said Mr. Moseby with his usual smile on his face down in the lobby.

The couple who had stayed at the Tipton overnight gave Mr. Moseby their polite smile before moving on, revealing a man with neatly combed auburn hair, a cleanly shaven face, and a smile that would put Norman Bates to shame. "Hello, Marion," said the man coolly.

For a moment or two, Mr. Moseby seemed to freeze. He didn't move a muscle, he didn't even flinch. Then, he relaxed and calmly said, "Good day, sir. How may I help you?"

"Oh…I can think of a few ways in which you can help me," said the man, still smiling. "Ways that aren't exactly…_legal,_ you know?"

A few of the people who heard the man stopped to stare. Mr. Moseby smiled and said, "The police station is down the block, sir, if you wish to report a crime."

"I see," nodded the man. "Well…see you later, Marion." And with that, he calmly walked out of the Tipton Hotel, his head held high, the people who had heard bits and pieces of the conversation staring at him.

There was an awkward silence for about a minute before Mr. Moseby said to the next person in line, "Welcome to the Tipton Hotel. How may I help you?"

Zack and Cody, who had coincidentally overheard the conversation as they walked down to the lobby, turned to each other. "Well, that was weird," said Cody.

"Since when is Mr. Moseby _not_ weird?" shrugged Zack.

"I mean moreso than usual," said Cody. "Didn't you get the feeling he was kind of scared by that guy? And didn't you also get the feeling that Mr. Moseby was speaking in some sort of spy code to that guy?"

"You read too much mystery novels," said Zack, rolling his eyes. "But you know what I think? I think it's time I satisfy my wicked craving for some candy!" He then raced Cody to the candy counter, where Maddie was standing.

"Hey, Maddie," said Zack. "Cody and I would like some of those jalepeno-flavoured chocolate bars."

"Ugh, you mean _you_ would like one," said Cody, shuddering at the memory of what had happened the last time he agreed to try out the newest chocolate bar to be released at the Tipton with Zack, only to spit it back out all over the cutest girl at school.

But Maddie didn't seem to be paying attention to the two boys. Instead, she was looking longingly at a photograph.

Zack decided to try another tactic: "Hey, sweet thang!"

Maddie looked up and said, sounding rather depressed, "Oh, hey Zack. Hi, Cody. What would you two like?"

"_Zack_ would like a jalepeno-flavoured chocolate bar," said Cody. "_I_ would like just a regular Mars Bar."

"Wimp," coughed Zack.

"Sure," shrugged Maddie. She slowly drudged around the candy shop as she got out the two chocolate bars Zack and Cody wanted.

"Is something wrong?" asked Zack, suddenly concerned. "You seem kinda depressed."

"Oh, well, it's just that tomorrow will be the two-year anniversary since I broke up with my first love," said Maddie dejectedly.

"Oh, that's too bad," said Zack. "What happened?"

Maddie paused. "I don't want to talk about it," she said slowly. "It's just…too painful."

"Was the guy someone we know?" asked Zack.

"I _said_ I don't want to talk about it and we'll leave it that, okay?" snapped Maddie. "Now leave me alone."

Zack and Cody looked at each other and mentally decided to go back to their room. Maddie looked down at the photo of her first love and softly said, "Oh, Hugh…I'm so sorry."

ZCZCZCZC

"Is there a full moon out tonight or something?" asked Zack. "Cuz everyone seems to be acting really weird. First Esteban, then Mr. Moseby, now Maddie."

He and Cody were now back in their hotel room, sitting at the desk, about to continue with their re-write.

"Maybe," shrugged Cody. "Of course, they're probably just having an 'off' day, like everyone does. I'm sure they'll be just fine by tomorrow. In the mean time, I suggest we continue with our re-write and discuss everyone's weirdness later." He picked up his pencil, got out a new sheet of paper, and said, "Now where were we? Oh yes…"


	6. Chapter 4

4

Inspector Moseby was the first to speak: "This is an absolute OUTRAGE!" He slammed his fist on the table. "What kind of a joke is this?"

"The unfunny kind?" suggested London.

Inspector Moseby slapped one hand to his forehead.

"Whoever made those accusations ought to be hung," said General Macarthur, his fists clenching to the point where they turned white. "How dare Mr. Owen make those kind of accusations about my wife of all people! She was a good lady of virtue and would never—the mere thought that she would is—oh!"

"I know exactly how you feel, General," nodded Maddie. "That child, Cyril Hamilton—I was nursery governess to him. He was always a puny child, one who wouldn't live to grow up, so he was never allowed to swim out far. One day, my attention was distracted by the all-new Zack Car 2000! Coming soon to car stores everywhere!"

"_Zack, what did I tell you about exploitation?" demanded Cody._

"_Um…Agatha Christie wouldn't have wanted it, something, something," said Zack, pretending to look through his memory._

_Cody groaned, "You give your twisted mind a rest; I'll write the rest of this chapter."_

"I know exactly how you feel, General," nodded Maddie. "That child, Cyril Hamilton—I was nursery governess to him. He was always a puny child, one who wouldn't live to grow up, so he was never allowed to swim out far. One day, my attention was distracted when a passer-by asked for directions. I didn't notice until…until…oh God, it was awful! And his mother…she was way too kind." She shook her head sadly as she tried to fight back tears.

"Do you have anything to say, Miss Brent?" inquired Zack.

"Only this: I am totally innocent," replied Miss Brent coolly. "Beatrice Taylor was in service with me. Not a nice girl, as I found out too late. You see, she was what they call…in trouble." She turned up her nose. "Naturally, I could not keep her under my roof an hour longer. She was brought up by very strict parents, so I am glad to say they did not condone her behaviour either when I told them."

"Yes, yes, but what happened to the girl?" Zack urged.

A thin line drew across Miss Brent's mouth. "Naturally, the abandoned creature, not content with one sin on her conscience, committed the worst sin of all: She threw herself in the river and drowned."

Horrified, Maddie asked, "How did you feel, when you found out she did that? Weren't you sorry? Didn't you blame yourself?"

Miss Brent shot up and angrily said, "I? I who had nothing with which to condone myself?"

"So you had no regrets at all?" asked a horrified Maddie.

"Well, she used to make nice apple juice; I'm going to miss that," said Miss Brent wistfully, before changing her tone: "Other than that, I have no regrets over her own sin driving her to take her own life."

"Well…she misses the apple juice; that's what matters," shrugged Zack, who had a fondness for apple juice, no matter how much he denied it.

"_Hey! You take that back!" said Zack in self-defence as he peeked over Cody's shoulder._

"_What? It's not you I'm writing about, it's the character, remember?" pointed out Cody._

"_Yeah, but that Lombard guy and I have the same first name," argued Zack. "People will judge guilt by association!"_

"_That's the price you pay when you play the vanity card," smirked Cody._

"What about yourself, Mr. Lombard?" asked Maddie. "What about those poor natives?"

"What about them?" shrugged Zack. "I was on an expedition in Africa, ran out of food, those natives' food just happened to be nearby—fill in the blanks."

"You mean to say that you took those natives' food and left them to starve?" said the General strictly.

"Yeah, that's basically the gist," shrugged Zack.

"You left them to die?" asked Maddie, horrified.

"Duh," Zack rolled his eyes.

"If I were you, I'd feel a bit guiltier over it," said Inspector Moseby.

"What do you want me to do, burst into tears?" cried Zack. "They were Natives, for crying out loud! And what about yourself, Inspector Moseby? What about that Laundry guy?"

"Landor," corrected Maddie.

"Right, Lindbergh," nodded Zack. "So what about him?"

"Truth be told, there's not much to say about Landor," shrugged Inspector Moseby. "He was robbing a bank and I just happened to be standing there at the time. I gave my testimony in court, and he was sent up for life and just happened to die in prison around a year or so later. Shortly after, I got my promotion. You know what people are like—they get jealous that certain people are superior to them and so they start malicious rumors. Is it my fault this Mr. Owen got hold of these rumors?"

"Technically, yes," said Zack.

Inspector Moseby gave Zack a dirty look before Wargrave spoke: "I sympathize with you, Moseby. It was the same way with me and Edward Seton. He was charged with the murder of some lady whose name and occupation escapes me. He was most certainly guilty, though the other judges, who surely must've received their licenses to judge from a cereal box, were practically ready to acquit him. The other judges got jealous of my genius and, much like yourself Inspector Moseby, spread rumors that I swung the case against Seton simply because I could."

"We live in a very cruel world, judge," nodded Armstrong. "I was operating on Miss Clees and the operation was a failure. In matters like these, the grieving family always blames the doctor so they can sue and collect the money."

Esteban cleared his throat. "My wife and I would like to say something: Those accusations are a terrible lie. We used to work for this Miss Brady. One night, she fell ill, and the wires were down, so we couldn't make a call. I had to set for the doctor on foot. I risked my life to get the doctor, I tell you! I jumped in front of several cars, ran straight across a grizzly bear, jumped off a cliff, rode down vicious rapids, fell down a mighty waterfall—"

Not wanting to be here all night, Muriel cut Esteban off: "Long story short, Esteban got the doctor, but by the time he got to the house, it was too late."

"Way to cut me down in my pride, Muriel," sniffed Esteban.

"That leaves the lovely Miss Marston," said Zack. "London? Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"Yes, actually," said London. "Those kids—Jake and Lilly Nitcomb—those were the hair care products I endorsed a while back! The mere thought that I could kill hair care products is ridiculous, not too mention impractical!"

"Er, the names were John and Lucy Combes," corrected Inspector Moseby.

"Oh, those two?" shrugged London. "They were playing in the middle of the road while I went out driving one day. I was going to drive around them, honest, but then a most tragical thing happened…I broke a nail. I was so devastated, I ran them over."

"You ran them over because you broke a nail?" said a disbelieving Maddie.

"It had polish on it," whimpered London.

"Hold it," said the judge slowly. "While you've all been discussing your accusations, I've been thinking about this UN Owen fellow…or should I say, unknown fellow!"

Everyone gasped in shock. "This unknown man is an absolute maniac!" cried Maddie. "I want to get off the island immediately!"

"Why do you?" asked London. "I think this is the most wondermacle thing that has ever happened to us! I propose a toast to UN Owen! May he give us lots and lots of hugs when we see him!" She took a gulp of her drink.

"_Okay, Cody, may I please write this part?" begged Zack. "I promise my hand-writing and grammar has gotten better!"_

"_You only want to write it so you can make the grossest death scene you can possibly make, don't you," said Cody._

"_Pretty much," said Zack._

"_Well, I suppose a dramatic death scene would be good for the story and death scenes are your expertise, so here," said Cody as he handed Zack the pencil, with a sinking feeling he was going to regret this…_

Suddenly, London's eyes bulged as she began to cough and chok. She coughed up crimsen blod that spilled all over Inspector Mosby's jacket. She kept gasping for air, but it was to no avail, for at that moment, she vomitad blod that splashed all over the floor. Then, in a melodramatic Citizen Kane fashion, she gasped, "Lime stone!" before falling to the floor, colapsing in her own pool of blod.

"_Aside from a few spelling mistakes, that's actually pretty good," admitted Cody. "Although…" he gulped back the urge to vomit, "that sure was pretty gruesome." He then took over writing:_

Everyone stood there in shock before Armstrong bent down to inspect Miss Marston. He dully said, "This girl is dead. And there is an Indian boy swimming in the pool of blood…"


	7. Chapter 5

5

"_Hold on, Cody, wait just one minute," said Zack, holding up his hands. "I just got a brilliant idea."_

"_Your luck is improving," said Cody sarcastically._

"_No, no, seriously!" said Zack. "I just realized all the people we completely neglected when creating these characters! I'm sure Mom would want to be in this story, for instance. Oh, and what about that cranky waiter, Peter?"_

"_You mean Patrick," said Cody._

"_Right, Penelope," nodded Zack. "And I'm sure you're dying to be in it as well. After all, it wouldn't be fair to let the teacher think I was the brainy one."_

"_No, then the teacher would think you were cheating," said Cody._

"_If you want to be in this stupid re-write, shut up and write," growled Zack before he dictated:_

As the guests silently marched up the stairs, Zack broke the silence by declaring, "Hold it!" The guests froze in unison.

Zack marched back and forth between the guests as he went on: "From the moment I saw you all, there were a few whom I thought I recognized as other people, only to find out that my intuition was right! You," he pointed to Inspector Moseby, "you claim to be the famed Inspector Moseby, and you," he pointed to Judge Wargrave, "are supposedly the bloodthirsty Judge Lawrence Wargrave…only Inspector Moseby and Judge Lawrence Wargrave died in a freak accident involving a can of soda! You, my good sirs, are frauds!"

"I'm afraid you speak the truth," sighed Moseby. "You see, I am Lawrence Wargrave's twin brother, Marion. And this lad here," he gestured to Judge Wargrave, "is the famed detective Cody Blore, wearing a costume and platform shoes because to be perfectly frank, no one would take a five foot detective seriously."

"Hey, I'm five feet and people take me seriously," protested Zack.

"Those were also the same people who took London Marston seriously and made that stupid petition declaring to reduce her punishment for running those two kids over," said Cody Blore as he stepped out of his rather ridiculous judge costume and got off his platform shoes.

Zack ignored this criticism and pointed to the General: "I also know you're not the real John Macarthur, but his son from his previous marriage to Leslie!"

"I confess," shrugged the General. "My name is Arwin Macarthur."

"_Wait, I thought Arwin was the boatman," said Cody._

"_Arwin's becoming a common name nowadays," shrugged Zack. "In fact, it's almost as common as Larry! Anyway…"_

"And you," Zack pointed to Miss Brent, "The record got your name mixed up. It's not Emily Caroline Brent, it's Caroline Emily Brent, aka, Carey Brent! Confess!"

"Give me a break, I liked the apple juice!" exclaimed Carey.

"Finally, there's you, Edward George Armstrong…or should I say Patrick Armstrong!" declared Zack melodramatically.

"Fine," sighed Patrick. "Eddie got sick and asked me to come in his place."

"You are all liars," said Zack in his most melodramatic tone, before changing it to a sweeter voice as he turned to Maddie and said, "Except you, dear," before changing it back: "That record was absolutely right! None of you can be trusted! Well, one thing's for sure: This guest is going to lock his door and put furniture underneath it!" And with that, Zack stormed off to his room and slammed the door behind him so hard, the chandelier began to waver back and forth.

"NO!" cried Judge Moseby. He lept over the banister and flew across to the chandelier, where he clung tightly to it mostly to get it to stop shaking, but mostly to save his own life.

The guests looked at each other and shrugged, coming to the conclusion that Judge Moseby was insane, and went to bed.

"No, wait!" cried out Judge Moseby, but it was too late; his fingers slipped and he fell to the ground. He got up and winced, rubbing his sore behind, knowing it would be a while before he could sleep…


	8. Nightcrawler

Before Zack or Cody had a chance to further discuss the events of the next chapter, their mother, Carey, came upstairs. "Sorry to keep you two waiting for so long, but my new choreographer is Simon Cowell's evil twin and we'll leave it at that. So, what do you two want for supper?"

"Oh, you know the usual," sniffed Zack as though he were someone important.

"Yeah, I'll take leftover chicken, too," said Cody, rolling his eyes.

"Coming right up!" said Carey cheerfully. She merrily walked into the kitchen to prepare supper. As she did, she decided to strike up a conversation with her boys: "So, what have you two been doing while I was downstairs?"

"We've been getting our homework done and it's actually a lot of fun," replied Zack.

Because Carey had her back faced to the boys during Zack's response, she assumed it was Cody who had answered and said, "That's nice, Cody."

"Uh, Mom?" said Cody. "That was _Zack_ who just spoke."

Carey nearly dropped the pan full of leftover chicken. "_Zack?_" she repeated. "_Zack_ thinks a homework assignment is _fun?_ Dinner will have to wait boys; I'm going to call an ambulance."

"No, Mom, seriously, Cody and I are actually having a lot of fun," said Zack. "There's this book by Agatha Christie and we have to re-write it in any way we want."

"But product placement doesn't count, no matter how many times I've tried to tell Zack," added Cody.

Zack sneered, "Heh, heh, heh, watch it."

* * *

It was nightfall.

Try as he did, Zack couldn't get to sleep. He kept thinking that he had forgotten _something_, but _what?_

Zack rolled over in his bed as his mind kept drifting away to what he had done earlier the day: There was the kick-butt rewrite, for sure. Before that, he had decided to enter the hotel doing a pop-a-wheelie on his bike—

_His bike._

Zack knew right then and there what it was that he had to do. He yanked the covers off, revealing that he was still wearing his street clothes, got out of bed, and snuck out of the apartment.

* * *

The first thing Zack noticed when he came down to the lobby was that everything was quiet.

Too quiet.

Zack slowly crept around in the dark with the stealth of a panther. Although his night vision wasn't the greatest in the world, he could see enough to know that his bike wasn't in the lobby.

Wait, that was because Mr. Moseby confiscated it.

Zack hadn't thought to bring something to break into Mr. Moseby's office with him, so he decided to at least search behind the front desk. He crept behind the desk and looked underneath it. There was no sign of Zack's bike—but there was something _far_ more interesting.

Zack bent all the way down and crawled underneath the desk. There were papers scattered all over the ground, as though Mr. Moseby had been looking at them earlier and dropped them in a hurry. And amongst those papers was a picture of a younger-looking Mr. Moseby with two other men on either side: The man on the left was the creepy man that had been at the Tipton earlier that day and the man on the right had dirty blonde hair and stubble.

Zack turned the photo over and the following words were written in Mr. Moseby's handwriting: _Karl, me, and Jack, may his soul rest in peace._

"Jack is _dead?_" gasped Zack. "Wait, I never knew Jack. Why should _I_ care? Oh well."

Zack's reading skills in the dark weren't too sharp, so he stuffed the papers in his front jeans pocket.

_CrEEaaAAKK_

_I am not alone,_ Zack realized. He stayed absolutely still until he was sure it was safe to go on. Even then, he crawled on the floor against whatever he could. Finally, he was underneath a nearby table that had been set up for a buffet. He hid under that for about five minutes. During those five minutes, he noticed something strange: There was a cheque addressed to Muriel for sixty-thousand dollars.

Deciding he would need this later, Zack picked up the cheque and put it in his pocket before crawling out from underneath the table and going back up to his hotel room, deciding his bike wasn't nearly as important as this.

* * *

By the time Zack made it back upstairs, he wasn't tired anymore. Not only that, but he had a sudden creative inspiration, so he picked up a pencil and began writing…


	9. Chapter 6

6

The necs morning, Esteban wok up Patric to get him to see wat was wrong with his wife, who just wasn't waking up.

"I have to know, doctor," sad Esteban nervusly. "Is she—"

"Yes, she is," sad Patric.

"Oh good," sihed Esteban. "So she's just in a food koma. I told her not to eat all those extra parogies last night! I thought you wer going to tell me she was dead!"

"Er, she is dead," sad Patric.

"But you sad she was in a food koma," sad Esteban, confused.

"No, you sad 'is she' and I sad 'yes, she is'," argued Patric. "I thought you were going to say 'is she dead', so I said 'yes she is' because—just fourget the hole thing!" he blurted out, frustated.

"Are you shore she's dead?" asked Esteban.

"Yes, I am sure," said Patric.

"Absalutly?"

"Absalutly."

"One hundread percent posatively?"

"Yes, one hundread percent posatively."

"Are you absalutly, totally—"

"SHE'S DEAD!"

"All rite, no need to get all snappy." Esteban gasped: "Oh no…then that means…" He burst into tears. "Oh, my beloved Muriel! I new I shoud have let you have that last kookie!" He berried his head in Patric's sholder.

"Er, there, there," sad Patric akwardly, pating Esteban on the bac.

TSL

"This is terrable!" sad Maddie when Patric delivered the newz at brekfast. "Two deaths within 12 hours and another Indian boy has gone missing, two!"

"Yes, this is fery suspicious indeed," nodded Judge Moseby, stroking his chin. "I propose we all search the hose top to botom. If Owen is beehind these shanannigans, he's got to be hear sumwhere!"

"Indeed your right, judge," sad Zack, stroking his chin. "We will split up in haf and search the entire hose! I will choose the pars! The luvly Miss Claythorne will be in my groop," (Maddie blushit), "and so will the judge and Esteban. The other group will consisst of the remaning kests. Now men, lets split up!"

"_Zack, aren't you supposed to be in bed?"_

_Zack was surprised by the sound of Cody's voice. He looked up and saw Cody standing there in his teddy bear pyjamas._

"_Aren't you?" challenged Zack. "I got up for two things: One, to get my bike back, but I found some more important stuff we'll look at tomorrow, and second, to write more of this story. I'm finding it strangely addictive!"_

"_Let me have a look." Cody peered over Zack's shoulder. "Wow, Zack, for once, you're able to control the blatant product placement," he commented. "The only problem is, you've got a million spelling and grammar mistakes, but I'll correct those tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we should get some sleep so we'll have more energy to write the rest of this tomorrow._

"_Okay, I'm coming, party pooper," sighed Zack as he reluctantly put down the pencil._


	10. The Next Morning

Zack and Cody knew something was wrong when they both woke up the next morning, and it wasn't just because of their twin telepathy, either.

"You know, Cody," said Zack as he took a bite out of his toast, "I think something bad happened last night. Something very, very bad."

"Yeah," agreed Cody as he gulped down his orange juice. "I had a horrible nightmare that I saw you working on our rewrite and you made all sorts of spelling and grammar mistakes."

"That actually _happened,_" said Zack slowly.

Before Cody could make another wisecrack, Carey came running in. "Boys," she panted, looking worried, "there was a murder in the hotel last night."

"Really?" said Zack. "Awesome!"

"No, not awesome," said Carey, shaking her head.

"Who got killed?" asked Cody.

"It was no one we know, thank goodness," said Carey.

"How did he get killed?" asked Cody.

"He was drowned in the pool," said Carey. "So now the pool is off limits until all the evidence has been examined. To make a long story short, the police have concluded from the evidence they've collected so far that the murderer is in the hotel and they're questioning everyone one at a time, so we're going to be here a while."

"Aw man," grumbled Zack. "Why couldn't this have happened on Monday?"

"How can you make jokes at a time like this?" burst out Carey.

"And how can you act like an actual adult instead of a sitcom adult at a time like this?" rebutted Zack.

Carey was about to reply to that, but instead she said, "Good point. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go in my room and write out my next song."

When Carey was in her room, Cody said, "You know, Zack, this just might be a blessing for us: Now we have more time to work on our re-write!"

"My theory about twin telepathy is only proving to be truer and truer," said Zack.

"Only, let's go back to our old 'you-dictate-I-write-but-throw-in-sentences-of-my-own-every-now-and-then' style, okay?" said Cody. "The last thing we want is for the teacher to have a heart attack!"

Cody then sat down at the desk, picked up a pencil, and waited for Zack to speak...


	11. Chapter 7

7

The remaining eight on the Island searched everywhere. Not a rock was left unturned, nor a cupboard left unsearched. But even then, Owen was nowhere to be seen.

"This is bloody ridiculous!" remarked Judge Moseby. "You'd think we would find _something_ out of the ordinary by now!"

"Actually," spoke up Esteban, "There is something out of the ordinary."

"What, what?" cried Maddie.

"My tie," said Esteban, straightening it out.

Maddie rolled her eyes.

"There, there, dear, no need to fret," said Zack, linking his hand with Maddie's. "We'll find this maniac sooner or later and the sooner, the better!"

Up ahead, there was a dark room. Esteban tried feeling around for a light switch, but there wasn't one. "Aw, crackers," he grumbled. "It looks like one of us will have to go in there and see if there's anyone in the dark. Who wants to go?"

Everyone backed up two feet, leaving Esteban standing there all by himself.

"I guess that leaves me," sighed Esteban. "I, Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Rogers, son of Diego Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Rogers," he took a deep breath, "and his wife, Gladys, will gladly undertake the life-risking task. Wish me luck, little peoples!"

"Good luck!" called out Zack, Maddie, and Judge Moseby.

Esteban put one foot in the room. Then, he slowly put the other. He moved forward, and then disappeared in the dark.

"Do you think he found him?" asked Zack.

"AAAAAHHH!!"

"I think that's a yes," said Maddie as they all rushed in. Zack whipped out his flashlight and sure enough, the light landed on Esteban and Patrick screaming hysterically.

"Uh, guys?" said Zack.

Esteban and Patrick stopped screaming long enough to whip towards Zack and shout, "WHAT?!" Then, they noticed each other.

"Oh, hello doctor person," said Esteban cheerfully. "How are you doing this lovely morning?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," said Patrick coolly.

"I take it, then, that your group found nothing?" asked Judge Moseby.

"Nope, nothing," said Arwin.

"_Hold it, Cody," said Zack. "I didn't say nothing, I said nuttin."_

"_No, you said nothing," said Cody slowly._

"_I didn't say nothing, I said nuttin," said Zack._

"_That's just what you said: Nothing."_

"_I didn't say nothing; I said nuttin."_

"_But you did say something!"_

"_I didn't say something, I said nuttin."_

"_But—you—oh, forget it," grumbled Cody._

"My, these cobwebs are nice," sighed Arwin. "Almost as nice as my mommy and daddy. That Richmond fellow just _had_ to split them up. That bas—"

"_Whoa, hold it, Zack," said Cody quickly. "We can't use swear words. Remember what the teacher said? She said we can't use any profanity."_

"_Piffle," scoffed Zack. "She is being hypocritical. Isn't the point of teaching English to promote free thinking and therefore free speech? Either that, or the point is to teach us that Shakes-beard can be hazardous to your sleep."_

"_When you're ready to quit making fun of people whose IQs are bigger than their shoe size, start dictating, and use more appropriate language," said Cody, his fingernails digging deeply into the pencil he was holding._

"_Since I enjoy making fun of people whose IQs are bigger than their shoe size due to the fact that a character whom people can relate to is boring, you'll have to fly solo, bro," said Zack, crossing his arms._

_Cody quickly came up with an ultimatum, as his inspiration well was dry at the moment: "Zack, if you agree to help, I'll find an image of Shirley Eaton on Google to put up on your bedroom wall."_

_Zack uncrossed his arms. "Make that an image of Shirley Eaton in her underwear and you've got yourself a deal."_

"_Deal," said Cody, glad to know Zack's crush on Shirley Eaton from having seen the 1965 version in class was putting itself to good use._

"My, these cobwebs are nice," sighed Arwin. "Almost as nice as my mommy and daddy. That Richmond fellow just _had_ to split them up. That—that meanie mo!"

He burst into tears and buried his head in Maddie's shoulders. Maddie awkwardly said, "Er, there, there, things aren't as bad as they seem, and all that other mushy jazz."

"No, they ARE as bad as they seem!" Arwin said angrily, pushing Maddie off of him. "I admit it: I walked in on Richmond and my mommy kissing one day underneath the mistletoe. Now normally, she kisses Daddy or even Santa Clause underneath the mistletoe, but no; that day, she kissed Richmond! She explained to me she was going to ask daddy for a divorce, and Richmond stood there and laughed! Laughed I tell you! So I did it: I convinced my daddy to send Richmond on a suicide mission and I'm glad he's dead, okay? I killed him! I killed him once and I would do it again!" He paused and then added, "Although I'm not sure that would be physically possible, but..." And then he let out an insane, maniacal laugh.

Everyone stood there, staring at Arwin laughing. Finally, Cody said, "Er...we'll be upstairs preparing dinner, in case you want to come back to the real world."

_Zack was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. "I'll get that," he said. He walked up to the door and opened it. There were two policemen standing in the doorway._

"_Good day, young man," said the taller policeman. "We are here to question each member of your family one at a time. First, we would like to question your mother."_

"_Sure, she's in there," said Zack, pointing to the room their mother was in._

"_This will only take a few minutes," assured the shorter policeman._

_As the two disappeared behind the door, Zack said, "Most dreadful interruption. Let's get back to work, shall we?"_


	12. Chapter 8

8

At dinner, everyone knew something was rather...odd.

"I say, this chicken tastes rather...tender," said Zack suspiciously.

"That's because you're eating the fat," said Cody.

"Do you dare to call me fat?" challenged Zack.

"No, I'm just saying you're eating chicken fat," said Cody slowly.

"Now you insult my honor?!" cried Zack.

"How am I insulting your honor?" asked Cody.

"You know how," sniffed Zack. "Don't talk to me, villain. Don't even look at me." And with that, he turned around to face Maddie, who was eating her dinner in silence. He gently put his hand in hers and said, "Come now, my dear, whatever is the matter?"

"It's nothing," said Maddie quietly. "I'm just sad because of the weather. Now please, leave me be."

Zack shrugged and assumed she was just having one of those moods women often tended to have.

"Had anyone seen Arwin?" asked Carey. "He promised me he'd bring me freshly squeezed apple juice."

Judge Moseby blinked. "Freshly squeezed apple juice," he repeated.

"Yeah, that's what I said," nodded Carey.

Judge Moseby took a deep breath and said, "Carey, I don't know how to tell you this, but apples are not squeezed; they are crushed and the extraction is pasteurized and made into juice."

"Huh?" said Carey, blinking.

Judge Moseby sighed and stabbed his fork into a piece of meat. He began to pick the meat up with the fork, but before he could get a chance to put it in his mouth, Patrick came running into the dining room. "Esteban," he panted, "you'd better come with me."

"What is the magic word, doctor?" said Esteban playfully.

"Just get down with me," grumbled Patrick.

"Ah ah ah, you did not say the magic word," taunted Esteban.

Patrick spat out, "Please, okay? Please and thank you! Now will you please come downstairs with me? This is serious!"

Esteban grinned that oh-so-goofy grin of his and followed the doctor down into the basement.

Judge Moseby sighed and relaxed. He picked up the fork and began to move it inches towards his mouth...and then there was a loud, girlish scream.

Esteban came running upstairs, flailing his arms like a maniac and screaming like a girl. Once he got into the dining room, he panted, "Arwin—Arwin Macarthur—he's—he's—"

"Dead?" finished Zack.

Esteban tensed up and said, "How did you know that?"

"Just a hunch," shrugged Zack.

Tensed up, Judge Moseby began to lift the fork towards his mouth...

"Oh for crying out loud, Esteban, you're such a baby," snapped Patrick as he carried Arwin's body upstairs and into the dining room.

Realizing he was never going to get a chance to eat his dinner in peace, Judge Moseby picked up his plate and marched into the kitchen.

Patrick shrugged and dropped Arwin's body onto the dining table. There a large knife stuck in his back...

"Aw man, I really wanted that apple juice," whined Carey.


	13. Chapter 9

9

After placing Arwin's body in his bedroom, everyone gathered in the living room to discuss the strange events of the past twenty-four hours.

"In case there's anyone in this room who has not been paying attention," spoke up Judge Moseby, "I shall give you all a brief recap: London, Muriel, and Arwin are all dead, and we have no idea what's going on."

"Sorry, what was that?" asked Zack, looking up from his Game Boy.

"_Uh, Zack?" said Cody._

"_What is it now?" said Zack irritably._

"_This takes place in the nineteen-thirties," said Cody. "Game Boys weren't invented yet."_

"_Who said it had to be in the thirties?" shrugged Zack. "It's our rewrite, we can do whatever we want, right?"_

"_Except in chapter three, it was already stated that the guests all committed their crimes in the twenties and thirties," argued Cody. "Do you really think our teacher would be dense enough to look over those kind of details?!?"_

"_If she's anything like a typical oblivious, stupid-beyond-reason adult on a kid-centric sitcom, then yes," replied Zack._

"_Would you stop talking like that and get back to work?" demanded Cody._

"_Fine," sighed Zack. "Erase 'Game Boy' and put in 'magazine'. Party pooper."_

"Sorry, what was that?" asked Zack, looking up from his magazine.

Judge Moseby sighed. Clearly, he still had some way to go in order to nail this into each guest's mind. He spoke: "Three are dead and we have no idea why."

"But isn't it obvious?" asked Maddie. "This UN Owen thinks we're all murderers and is trying to punish us for crimes he thinks we all committed."

Zack smiled at Maddie. "I don't think you killed anyone," he said. "You're too...too...oh, what's that word for someone who always does what is right because they know it is right?"

"Virtuous?" suggested Patrick.

"No thank you, I'd much prefer a cookie," said Zack. "But you see my point, right?"

Maddie smiled. "Of course," she said.

Esteban cleared his throat. "Ah, guys?" he said. "Back to our little misadventure?"

Zack and Maddie were snapped back to reality. "Oh, yeah," they both said awkwardly. Zack then said, "London's unfortunate death may have been suicide, and Muriel's death might have been an accident, but Arwin's death for sure must have been murder. Unless they were all coincidental, of course."

"So what you're saying is, London committed suicide, Muriel was accidentally given an overdose, and someone randomly decided to kill Arwin?" said Carey slowly.

"Sure, why not?" asked Zack.

"That is the stupidest theory I have ever heard," said Carey frankly.

"Thank you," smiled Zack.

"I can provide an alternate theory," said Cody, standing up. "A much more likely theory." He looked at each and every person in the room. "London and Muriel were indeed murdered. They were murdered by someone who knows a lot about all of us."

"Oh no," said Esteban, blanching. "Do they know about...the hot dog incident?"

"No, I don't think so," said Cody slowly.

Esteban let out a sigh of relief.

Cody ignored this little weirdness and went on: "Even though we searched the house from top to bottom, we found absolutely no trace of this Mr. Owen. The reason why is simple: Mr. Owen is one of us."

At that exact moment, there was a crash of lightning outside, causing Esteban to shriek and jump and accidentally pour tea all over Judge Moseby. When Esteban finally calmed down, he said, "Oh, sorry Moseby."

_Just as Zack finished speaking, the two policemen came out of the room. "We have finished questioning your mother," said the shorter one. "Now, we would like to speak to the both of you. Don't worry, this won't take long."_

"_I guess our rewrite will have to wait for a while," sighed Zack._

_Cody was silent. He had a sinking feeling that he and Zack wouldn't miss their own rewrite all that much, for the events in their life were slowly beginning to parallel the events in their rewrite..._


	14. I've Got The Candy Counter Blues

Once questioning was over, Zack and Cody decided to take a little walk around the lobby.

"You think Karl and Jack or that cheque had anything to do with that guy who was murdered?" asked Zack.

"Well, anything's possible," shrugged Cody. "As proven when Hannah Montana and that Raven girl visited us."

"Wow, you remember that?" said Zack sarcastically.

"Yeah," said Cody. "I even remember when London and Hannah got into that catfight over—"

That was when Cody realized something important. "Zack," he said slowly, "have you seen London?"

"No, I can't say I have," replied Zack. "Why? You don't think..."

"No way, it's impossible," said Cody, shaking his head. "She'd never ever...right?"

"Yeah, right," said Zack quickly. His eyes darted over to the deserted candy counter. "Hey," he said. "I wonder where Maddie is?"

"She's probably being questioned, too," said Cody quickly.

"Yeah," nodded Zack. "Probably." His eyes fell on a piece of paper that was on the floor. A wicked grin spread across his face.

"Don't even think about it, Zack," warned Cody.

"Too late," said Zack, bending down.

"What if there's something in that piece of paper that contains crucial evidence to the murder?" reasoned Cody. "If there is, this is tampering with crime scene evidence, which we could go to _jail_ for!"

"First of all," said Zack, looking up long enough to make a few points, "What kind of evidence would be found from this paper--a badly written script for a kid's TV show that had a crummy premise to begin with? And second, _we?_ _You're_ just standing there."

"They could still hold me responsible," said Cody nervously, looking back and forth as though someone would come around the corner any minute. "After all, I could've stopped you and didn't."

"Then why aren't you stopping me now?" asked Zack as he bent down.

Cody was about to counter-argue, but then realized Zack had a point, so he said, "Good question." And then he tackled Zack to the ground.

"Let go of me!" groaned Zack.

"Fat chance," groaned Cody. His grip on Zack loosened up when he noticed some deep, imprinted letters on the backside of the paper.

Seizing the opportunity, Zack pushed Cody off of him, laughed triumphantly, and grabbed the paper, flipping it over.

Zack began to read as he and Cody stood up. Their eyes briefly skimmed over a few, crucial words: Darling...did what I had to do...love...Johnny...drowned...chocolate-coated fish ("Yum," said Zack)...accident...swimming...pool...watching...

Zack and Cody were suddenly struck by the dreaded feeling of being watched. They both slowly turned around...and saw Maddie, with an expressionless look on her face.

Zack tried to make light of the situation. He smiled and said, "Maddie! What a surprise!"

Maddie took the paper out of Zack's hands and said in a cold voice, "I think you should leave."

Zack and Cody could only stand there, frozen with shame and fear.

Maddie said in a louder, sharper voice, "Go!"

Zack and Cody finally came to their senses and began running in the other direction. Zack briefly stopped for a moment and saw Maddie with her head in her hands and sobbing, but then ran to catch up with Cody.


	15. Questioning

Zack and Cody decided to take refuge in the Games Room...only to find Mr. Moseby there, mindlessly playing pool.

"Wait, when did we get a pool table?" asked Cody.

"Since the writers decided randomly adding one would be cool," was Zack's reply. He walked over to the pool table and said, "Hi, Moseby."

"Hi," said Mr. Moseby dully, taking a shot.

Trying to start up a conversation that would possibly trick Mr. Moseby into confessing, Zack said, "So, seen any good sitcoms recently?"

"No," grumbled Mr. Moseby. "They're all poorly-written, badly acted, and have absolutely ridiculous spin-offs that were the result of a writer having extreme drunkenness."

"Just like us!" chirped Cody.

Zack then said, "I myself love that sitcom with those wacky main characters. I believe their names were...Karl and Jack?"

In true sitcom fashion, Mr. Moseby struck the ball a little too hard with his cue stick and it ricocheted all across the room, bouncing off the walls and games, before finally landing on Mr. Moseby's head, causing him to collapse.

Zack and Cody stood there before Cody said in a deadpan voice, "Oh no, I think we killed him."

Zack kicked Mr. Moseby in the head, causing him to cry out, "Ow!"

"Nope," said Zack. "He's alive."

Mr. Moseby slowly got up on his knees and said, "So, you know about Karl and Jack?"

"Just that there were two guys named Karl and Jack," shrugged Zack. "And apparently, Jack is dead."

Mr. Moseby put down the cue stick and said in a serious tone, "Boys...I think it's time you two left."

Afraid of the consequences of disobeying him, Zack and Cody left.

* * *

Zack and Cody went into the basement, where they knew they would find Arwin. Not surprisingly, they were right. They found Arwin _flying_ around the basement wearing a jet pack.

"Hello, boys!" he called out. He pressed a button and he flew down and landed neatly on his feet. "Do you like my new version of the jetpack? It features a more realistic look when flying around and doesn't make it look like someone was just flying around in a green room. Want to try it out?"

"Thanks, but no thanks," said Cody. "We're just here to talk to you about something."

"Oh yeah?" said Arwin. "Like what?"

"Like what happened to Patrick or London," said Zack.

"London I think is out on a cruise and might be coming back today," said Patrick. "I'm not entirely sure what happened to Patrick, though. The last time I talked to him, he said he had to go to the hospital because he came down with something called Chuck Cunningham syndrome. He said it was _really_ serious."

"And how long ago was that?" asked Zack.

"A week ago," said Arwin. He frowned. "No, wait, I think it was yesterday...or was it a month ago?" He shrugged. "Who knows, it might have even been a _year_ ago!"

He lightly laughed and slapped his left hand on the button that sent the jet pack back up. He screamed as the jet pack flew up and crashed through the basement roof.

Zack and Cody winced, but tension was relieved when they heard Arwin say, "I'm okay!"

Deciding that staying here was potentially hazardous to their health, Zack and Cody ran up the stairs.

* * *

Creeped out from how everyone was acting, Zack and Cody took the elevator to their floor and walked down the hallway to their room—and ran into Esteban.

"Oh, hello, blonde peoples," said Esteban cheerfully. "Isn't it a real shame about that guy who died?"

"Yeah," said Cody. "It was a real shame."

"Oh, I almost forget," said Zack. He pulled the cheque out of his pocket and said, "I think this is Muriel's."

Esteban snatched the cheque out of Zack's hands. Suddenly, he no longer looked like the humorous, stereotypical foreign guy he was. Now he looked serious. He darkly said, "Where did you find this?"

"Under a table downstairs," replied Zack. "Why do you ask?"

Esteban folded up the cheque and silently walked off to leave Zack and Cody standing there in bewilderment.

* * *

"This is getting weirder by the minute," commented Zack as he and Cody sat down at the table in their hotel room a few minutes later. "The next thing I know, gorillas will be falling out of the sky!"

Zack and Cody waited for about a minute and a half, expecting to see gorillas falling from the sky. When no gorillas came, Cody said, "So, let's get back to our re-write, shall we?"


	16. Chapter 10

10

The next morning

"_Wait a minute," said Cody, holding up a finger. "In our last chapter, everyone just established the UN Owen was one of them."_

"_So?" shrugged Zack._

"_So," said Cody in a voice that suggested what he was about to say should be obvious, "don't you think it would make more sense logically to have it take place immediately after everyone has already figured out what's going on and discuss their suspicions?"_

"_First of all," said Zack, "I'm sure our teacher only wants a basic re-write, not an epic piece of art. Second, it took us nine chapters to kill off the first three characters and I for sure do not want to drag it out further than it already has been. And third, since when does logic apply to our lives?"_

"_Point taken," sighed Cody, lowering his finger._

The next morning, everyone woke up and met in the dining room.

"Good morning, Patrick," said Judge Moseby courteously.

"Humph," was Patrick's reply.

"What did I do?" asked Judge Moseby.

"It's what you did," snapped Patrick. "Or more specifically, what that nincompoop, Esteban, didn't do."

"What did he do?" asked Zack.

"I'm not talking about what he did do, I'm talking about what he didn't do," snapped Patrick.

"And what was it he did?" asked Zack. "Are you sure he didn't do whatever it was he did, even though he was supposed to have done what he did and may or not have done what it was he was supposed to do or not do?"

"Huh?" asked Patrick.

Cody decided to make it simple: "What was it Esteban didn't do?"

"He didn't prepare breakfast," snapped Patrick.

"Or apple juice," moaned Carey.

"Perhaps he's chopping up firewood for the stove," suggested Maddie.

"I think so, too," said Zack.

"Shall I go check?" suggested Judge Moseby.

"By all means," said Cody.

Judge Moseby straightened himself up and marched straight into the pantry.

"Why is checking the pantry?" asked Cody.

"Because everything essential to life can be found in any kitchen pantry," replied Zack. "Duh."

Cody decided not to argue with this logic.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

_Cody winced. "Okay, Zack, the next time you choose to scream to express that a character is screaming, please don't deafen me."_

Everyone ran into the pantry. Judge Moseby was standing there with a look of pure horror on his face. Everyone took one look around the pantry and saw why: There was Esteban with an ax buried deep into his neck...but that wasn't disgusting. No, what made the sight really disgusting was what Esteban was holding in his hands. And he was holding...a Paris Hilton CD.


	17. Chapter 11

11

Everyone tried to eat their breakfast, but couldn't. The sight had been too disgusting for them to go on, so they talked.

"I'm thirsty," said Carey. "Would there happen to be any apple juice in the house?"

"Did you happen to have a severe psychologically traumatic incident with apple juice as a child?" snapped Judge Moseby, whose sanity was being tested by both the dying guests and the living ones.

"No, I just like apple juice," said Carey innocently.

"Then no, there is not any apple juice in this house!" shouted Judge Moseby.

"Actually," said Cody, "by some contrived coincidence, I found this glass of apple juice sitting out near the window." He then pulled a glass of apple juice out of his pocket and passed it down to Carey.

"_Okay, hold up!" said Cody. "You mean to tell me that Cody put a glass of apple juice that could spill or stain in his pocket and now he's giving an intact glass still full of apple juice to Carey?"_

"_Pretty much," shrugged Zack._

"_Where's the logic in that?!?" cried Cody._

"_Cody, in our world, there's no such thing as logic," pointed out Zack._

"_Except for that statement," admitted Cody._

"Thank you," sighed Carey with relief as she took the glass in her hands. She drank from the entire glass in one gulp.

"Back to the business at hand," said Cody. "Patrick, where were you this morning?"

"I was in my bed, where else," said Patrick dully.

"Okay," said Cody slowly. "Moseby, where were you this morning?"

"I was watching 1930's High School Musical and wondering to myself how anything so mediocre could possibly be so popular," said Judge Moseby dryly.

"And you, Maddie?" said Cody.

"I was writing in my diary," sighed Maddie dreamily.

"Carey?"

"I was making a connection between the meaning of life and apple juice."

Cody looked at her a bit weirdly, but only said, "That leaves you, Zack. Where were you this morning?"

"I was doing something I cannot say because this is supposed to be G-rated," said Zack with a smile on his face. "But on the contrary, that only leaves you. Where were you this morning?"

"I was figuring up a way to solve the case," said Cody.

"Uh, dude, if this was your idea of solving the case, then it's a terrible idea," said Zack. "No one except Patrick actually answered your question. They all said what they were doing, but no one said where they had been."

"Do you dare to question my detective skills?" said Cody angrily.

"No, I dare to play Polly Pockets," said Zack sarcastically. "What does it look like I'm daring?"

Cody seethed, "I take it, then, you want a confession for the Landor case?"

"Yes I do," said Zack.

"All right, fine!" Cody slammed his hands down on the table hard, causing everyone to jump. "Landor was innocent, but guess what? I don't care. I needed that promotion, and if sending him off to jail was the only way I'd get it, then so be it!"

Everyone stared at Cody before Carey said, "I feel a bit woozy. Leave me be."

Maddie started to say, "But no one said..."

"I said, leave me," said Carey dramatically.

Everyone shrugged, got up, and left.

Carey sighed a dramatic sigh and fell back in her chair and closed her eyes. She suddenly felt quite tingly all over. She giggled and kicked her feet in the air. She rocked back and forth in the chair, using her feet as the rocker, going, "Weee! Weee! Weee! Ow," when she fell over.

Carey slowly opened her eyes and saw familiar figure standing above her. "Oh, hello," she said innocently, not noticing the person had a needle in their hands. "Would you happen to have any—OW!" she screamed when the needle was injected into her neck before collapsing and...slowly...dying...


	18. Chapter 12

12

When everyone discovered Carey's dead body five minutes later, reactions were mixed:

"Oh my God! How horrible!"

"Well, now we know it wasn't Carey."

"Now who will rant and rave about the apple juice?"

"Good riddance!"

"Fish sticks!"

Judge Moseby, Cody, Maddie, and Patrick all turned to look at Zack strangely. "Fish sticks?" repeated Patrick.

"I was just thinking that fish sticks would make a nice snack around now," explained Zack.

Cody cleared his throat. "So," he said, "I think we all know just what it is we have to do now."

"What?" asked Maddie.

"I don't know, I was hoping you knew," said Cody.

"Enough of this nonsense," said Zack. "I have something to confess...I brought a gun with me this weekend."

"A gun," repeated Judge Moseby.

"Yes, a gun," said Zack. "Do I have to repeat myself?"

"Why in heaven's name would you want to bring a gun to a simple weekend gathering?" asked Judge Moseby.

"Two reasons," said Zack. "First, I was strongly advised to bring a gun in case things got a little hairy, in which case they are. And second

"_Don't tell me you're actually going to come up with a humorous response to that?" groaned Cody. "You know how the teacher will react to seeing guns lampooned! She'll think we're maniacs!"_

"_So making fun of children being run over, victims of divorce driven insane, and murder victims is acceptable, but making fun of people who carry around guns is not?" asked Zack._

"_Good, you finally get it!" cried Cody. "You've got to draw the line somewhere!"_

"_So...what do we say instead, then?" asked Zack. "Do we make fun of diabetics?"_

"_Of course not," said Cody, an idea slowly coming to mind. "Hannah Montana already did that."_

Before Zack could finish that, however, Patrick said, "You know what, the reasons don't matter; just show us where this gun is already."

"Why, it's in my room," said Zack. "Just follow me."

TSLTSLTSL

When they got to Zack's room, Judge Moseby said, "I will probably regret asking this, but where, pray tell, do you keep your gun?"

"In my sock drawer," replied Zack. "Where I always keep the necessities of life."

Zack strutted up to his sock drawer and pulled it out. He rummaged through all the socks, comic books, candy, and macaroni...and there was no gun.

"I'm sure it's around here somewhere," muttered Zack, throwing everything out over his shoulders and straight into Judge Moseby's face.

"Check the underwear drawer, perhaps?" said Patrick dryly.

"Of course not," said Zack. "That's where I hide my...er, on second thought, you're better off not knowing."

He was beginning to look frantic. "I know I left it in here," he said nervously. "Well, maybe I just put it elsewhere and forgot. Let's search the entire room and the house, top-to-bottom."

TSLTSLTSL

Unfortunately, their efforts proved fruitless two hours later.

"I swear I left it in my sock drawer," muttered Zack. "Where the heck could it have gone to? It didn't just grow feet and walk off on its own!"

"Given the absurdity we face every day, I would not be surprised," said Judge Moseby.

"Oh yeah?" said Zack defensively. "And who are you to judge me, Judge Moseby? What about that Eaton guy? Was he guilty or innocent?"

"That Seton guy," said Judge Moseby tensely, "was guilty."

"So you say," said Zack coolly. "But how do we know that Keaton guy was innocent and you're not lying?"

"Are you going to give everyone the third degree, or are we going to figure out what to do now?" asked Cody.

"Well, I'm going upstairs for a shower," said Maddie, getting up.

"Maddie, dear, you really shouldn't be alone," said Zack, getting up at the same time.

"As long as the rest of you remain here, I shall be perfectly safe," said Maddie calmly.

She got up and gracefully walked out of the dining room and up the stairs. Even so, Zack followed her to the bottom of the stairs, and there he stayed...until he heard a shriek five minutes later coming from upstairs.

"_Hold on now," said Cody. "Are we moving on to the judge's death? Cause it seems to me that we're going through these deaths at a really fast pace now."_

"_Well, like I said, I really don't want to drag this out any further than it already has been," said Zack. "And let's face it: If a conflict in our world can be solved within thirty minutes, it can just as easily be created within thirty minutes!"_

Everyone made a mad dash up the stairs, down the hall, and into Maddie's room, where Maddie lay sprawled, seaweed covering her face.

Zack ran up to Maddie and said, "Maddie, are you all right, darling? Maddie speak to me!"

Maddie moaned and her eyelids slowly fluttered open. She smiled at the first sight she saw. "Oh, Zack," she sighed romantically. "I thought you'd never come."

"So," said Cody, clearing his throat, "what's up with all this seaweed?"

"This?" said Maddie, surprised. "Oh—well—I was coming in here and I felt something touch my face, and I screamed. Now I see what it was."

"Wait, where's Moseby?" asked Patrick.

The four looked startled. Quickly, they got to their feet and ran down the hall, down the stairs, and into the dining room, where Judge Moseby lay in the head chair, shot through the forehead, a red liquid trickling down his forehead...

"I think that seaweed was set up so we could all come running to Maddie and the killer could kill Moseby," said Cody thoughtfully.

"Gee, you think?!?" said Zack sarcastically.


	19. Chapter 13

13

After laying down Judge Moseby in his bed, Zack and Cody discussed the situation at hand with Patrick and Maddie.

"So," sighed Cody, "what do we do now? The one person who had any sanity out of all of us is gone. So who do we have for guidance now? No one."

"Does that Travelocity gnome count?" asked Zack.

"Sadly, no," said Cody, shaking his head sadly.

"Know what I find fishy?" said Patrick.

"The ocean?" said Zack sarcastically.

"No," snapped Patrick. "What I find fishy is the fact that Judge Moseby was murdered while we were all scrambling upstairs to save Maddie. The timing couldn't be better."

Maddie's mouth fell open. "But surely you're not suggesting..."

"And yet I am," said Patrick with that stupid smirk on his face.

"You dare accuse Maddie of murder?" said Zack angrily as he stood up.

"She had the opportunity, so anything's possible," said Patrick. "And we don't know if she really is as innocent as she claims where her crime is concerned. How do we know she's not lying?"

"Oh yeah?" said Zack, rolling up his hands into fists. "Want to make something out of it?"

"How about not?" said Cody, stepping in between the two. "Look, the point is, the killer is coming closer to accomplishing his or her plan and the best we can do for now is stick together until the boat arrives, so let's all go to bed now."

"Not without Maddie answering one, simple question first," said Patrick, raising a finger. "Maddie, did you or did you not kill that little boy?"

"Don't answer that, darling," said Zack quickly.

"But I will," said Maddie, getting up. "I swear on my life that I did not do it."

"Good," said Patrick, nodding and smiling. "That's all I needed to know."

TSLTSLTSL

But when Maddie and Cody had gone into their rooms ten minutes later, Zack and Patrick were standing in the hall having a screaming match over her innocence or guilt.

"You SAID that was all you needed to know!" barked Zack.

"Well, I LIED!" shrieked Patrick. "For that matter, SHE may be lying, too!"

"She is NOT!" yelled Zack.

"And how do you KNOW!" screamed Patrick.

"Wait, why do you need to yell the world 'know'?" asked Zack in a calmer voice.

"Good point," said Patrick before snapping, "And how do YOU know?"

"I KNOW because she SAID so!" screamed Zack.

And then two voices from in their rooms joined in: "SHUT UP!"

Zack turned to Patrick and said, "We'll discuss in the morning. But I'll keep an eye on you."

"And I on you," said Patrick. He turned and smacked into a wall. He said sheepishly, "My bad," before going off to his room.

"_Break time," announced Cody. "My hand is killing me."_

"_As if we needed an ironic metaphor," said Zack dryly._


	20. Getting to the Bottom

The atmosphere of the hotel was no longer as fun-filled and carefree as it had once been only yesterday. Now, the atmosphere grew cold and unfriendly as Zack and Cody silently walked down the halls and to the elevator.

"Zack," said Cody, "you don't think this is the end, do you?"

"Of the world? No. Of our life no longer being as crazy and carefree as it once was?" said Zack as he pressed the down button. "I hope not. I really hope this is just one of those instances where we're sad over something for only a few days and then things snap back to normal within a week."

_Ding!_

Zack and Cody silently walked into the elevator, feeling somewhat gloomy and depressed.

* * *

Zack and Cody wandered off to the games room where the pool table remained where it had been, yet no Moseby in sight.

"Mr. Moseby?" called out Zack. "Hello? It's just us."

No response.

"Maybe he just took a bathroom break," said Cody anxiously, getting a little creeped out by the fact that the people their characters were based on in their story disappeared just as their characters died (with the possible exception of Arwin, but he also played the boatman, so that pretty much cancelled it out).

"Yeah," nodded Zack, thinking the same thing. "Maybe." Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a note on the pool table. "Hey, what's this?"

He picked the note up and began reading:

_To Zack and Cody,_

_I have little time to write this before I must leave (and I am afraid I cannot tell you where), so I will give the best explanation I can before leaving this hotel, perhaps forever. First, I did indeed know a Jack. Jack Simmons and I were buddies since childhood. As we grew older, we met another man, Karl James. Jack warned me that Karl was a crook. He was right and I should have paid attention to him. I did not, and what happened to me? I ended up entangled in a world of crime. After an incident where I just about killed myself, I walked away from it. Or at least, I tried to walk away._

_Just recently, Karl has been reeling me back into a life of crime in spite of my protests. I do not have enough time to go over the details, but I can tell you he also tried to reel in Jack, and Jack was murdered when he refused; however, Karl was not the one to kill Jack. Instead, he recruited an insider in the hotel and that insider is_

"Is who?!?" cried Cody. "Don't tell me that's all he wrote?!?"

"I'm afraid so," said Zack grimly. "And there's a swivelling line from right after the word "is". It looks like he might have been...well...kidnapped!"

"Or maybe he had to go to the bathroom really, really bad," said Cody quickly. He gulped and said, "Anyway...let's talk to Maddie."

* * *

Zack and Cody found Maddie at the candy counter, looking as mopy as ever.

"Maddie," said Zack awkwardly.

Maddie looked up. "Oh, hi, Zack," she said glumly. "I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. It's just..." She looked to the left and right before saying, "There's something you two need to know about. Something you can _never_ tell _anyone else._ Got it?"

The two boys walked a bit further up to the candy counter. "Okay," said Zack. "We're listening."

Maddie looked to the left and right one more time to make sure no one was listening. When she was sure, she said, "Last year, shortly before I got a job here, I had this boyfriend. His name was Hugh. Hugh Hampton. I fell for him—_hard. _One day, during the summer, I took his younger brother Johnny with me to the public swimming pool. I got distracted for just one minute. The next time I turned around, Johnny was in the deep end of the pool. I dove in and tried to save him, but I was too late."

Maddie pulled out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. "To make a long story short, Hugh blamed _me_ for what had happened and we broke up."

"I'm sorry," said Zack sympathetically, placing one hand on Maddie's shoulder. He smiled. "You know, this would be a good place for that audience to go 'aww' during a faux sympathetic moment."

Maddie smiled. "You have a great sense of humour, Zack, you know that?" She stood up straight and said, "Well...I guess you two boys had better go back to your hotel room. I plan on packing up and leaving for the day before things get any worse."

* * *

"Wow," said Zack as he and Cody sat down with their beloved story. "I never thought Maddie's life actually paralleled Vera Claythorne's story _that_ much."

"Yes," said Cody slowly. "Who would've thought their lives paralleled _that_ much."

"What are you saying, Cody?" said Zack. "If you're suggesting Maddie—"

"Anyone is a suspect, Zack!" said Cody, throwing his hands up in the air. "We can't trust _anyone_ at this point!"

"Maddie is nothing _like_ Vera," said Zack firmly. "You'll see." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, we're just about done with this story. We'll write three more chapters and that should be it."


	21. Chapter 14

14

Zack tossed and turned in bed. The solution was coming to him, he knew it...but who did it? That was what he needed to know.

"Professor Plum in the conservatory with the lead pipe," he muttered, wondering what the possible outcome to his unfinished Clue game could be. "No, wait, I have those cards. Um...Miss Scarlet in the hall with the revolver?"

He was suddenly reminded of something. He got up and walked over to his sock drawer. He had a crazy thought that maybe he had just accidentally buried his gun underneath a deep pile of socks. He opened up the drawer—and was surprised to see the gun, plain as day.

"That's funny," muttered Zack, barely noticing the door creaking open. "I don't recall the gun being in here the last time."

"Nor did I," spoke a voice that made Zack jump about a foot in the air until he saw it was only Cody, wearing his teddy bear pyjamas.

"_Hey, that was supposed to be our secret!" cried Cody._

"_Ah, ah, ah," said Zack, waving a finger. "You expose my humiliating secret, I expose yours."_

"I heard voices and I couldn't get to sleep," explained Cody, taking a few steps forward. "You were muttering something about Plums."

"Oh yes, I was trying to figure out the solution to that unfinished Clue game," said Zack quickly. "But that's not important right now; what's important is that this gun wasn't here hours ago and now it _is_ here! Who dares to play mind tricks on the great Zack Lombard?"

"The last person you ticked off," replied Cody. "Which would probably be..." His eyes widened. "Patrick!" he gasped. "He's not in his bed!"

"What?" asked Zack. "Are you sure? Did you check?"

"Yes, I checked earlier when I was trying to find out where the voices are coming from," explained Cody.

"Maybe he's just in the bathroom," suggested Zack.

"No, I checked the bathroom," said Cody, shaking his head. He paused and said, "Although...Patrick has a deep, dark secret I never knew about until I looked into his bathroom."

"He's a Republican?" gasped Zack.

"Worse," said Cody, shaking with trauma. "His—"

"He's a My Little Pony fan!" exclaimed Zack.

"Worse," repeated Cody. "His brother—"

"He's a—"

"Would you just let me finish already?!?" said Cody irritably. "His brother didn't murder anyone. He did."

"Wait, so Patrick killed that Clees woman?" said Zack slowly.

Cody nodded fearfully, then remarked, "Hey, it's the first time you actually got a name right."

"That's because it's easy to remember," said Zack. "It rhymes with 'cheese'." Then, "So what evidence did you find?"

"A confession note saying he did it all," said Cody.

"Wait," said Zack, holding up a hand. "You don't think he killed the others, do you?"

"He never said anything about that," said Cody. "But anything's possible."

"What's possible?"

The two boys screamed and whipped around to see a confused-looking Maddie standing there. "Oh, hi, Maddie," said Zack nervously. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep," said Maddie. "Everything's just getting to me."

Zack gave Maddie a gentle hug, which she accepted. Cody cleared his throat and the two lovebirds separated. He said, "I was just explaining to Zack that Patrick has disappeared and he murdered that Cheese woman—Clees, I meant Clees!" he said quickly.

Zack stifled a laugh.

"Boys, this is no laughing matter," said Maddie gravely. "For when I went downstairs, I saw only three Indian boys remaining on that mantelpiece."

"_Only two chapters left to go," said Zack sadly. "You know, Cody, I actually kind of liked working on this story. I'm going to be bored when this is done."_

"_Well, let's get working on that next chapter," said Cody. "Hopefully, we won't run into too many problems at the end."_


	22. Chapter 15

15

The next morning, Zack, Maddie, and Cody were sitting on a cliff, looking out at the ocean, feeling too depressed and miserable to come up with decent wisecracks.

"I have come up with three possible solutions," declared Cody. "Patrick is either the murderer, has already been murdered by one of us, or he is a zombie come back from the dead to take revenge on one of us."

Zack said with disgust, "Where did you get your detective's license—out of a Cracker Jack box?"

"Boys, please let's not fight," said Maddie urgently. "The boat might come for us any hour now."

The two fell silent. Cody cleared his throat. "Anyone hungry?" he said.

"Now that you mention it, I could go for a stack of pancakes," said Zack.

"Would plain old cereal be all right?" said Cody patiently.

Zack was about to object when Maddie put a hand on his shoulder. Zack sighed and nodded.

Cody said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back."

As soon as Cody began to march out of sight, Zack said, "Just between you and me, my dear, I have a sneaking suspicion as to which theory of his is the most likely: I think Patrick has been killed...and that he was killed by none other than Cody Blore!"

"Oh no!" gasped Maddie. "He always seemed so nice!"

"Ah, but appearances can be deceiving my dear," said Zack. "I'm sure you know that."

Maddie looked off to the side. "Yes, I do," she said awkwardly.

There was a loud crash, causing Zack and Maddie to jump. "What was that?" said Maddie sharply. "It wasn't an earthquake?"

"No," said Zack, shaking his head. "Let's go take a look."

The two ran up to the house. They looked around, not seeing anything in sight, before Maddie said, "I think the sound came from the other side."

"Yes, that would be a very good explanation," mused Zack. He and Maddie ran around the house, freezing in horror at the sight of Cody Blore lying eagle-sprawled on the ground with a dent in his head, his head horribly bloody and mangled.

"Oh!" cried Maddie, looking as though she was going to be sick.

"Now we know for sure Patrick must be the killer," said Zack firmly. He gestured for her to stay by his side. "Come on, let's go."

As the two began to walk around the island, Maddie said, "What do you suppose we'll do once we're rescued?"

"Oh, I can think of a few things we could do," said Zack with a naughty grin on his face.

"Zack!" gasped Maddie. Then she grinned. "Oh, darling, I was hoping you felt the same way!"

The two shared a heart warming hug that was interrupted when Maddie spotted something over Zack's shoulder. "What's that, in the water?"

"Oh, it's probably just seaweed," said Zack dismissively.

"No," said Maddie, frowning. "It looks like a person. Let's take a closer look."

Zack and Maddie raced down to the beach, wondering what exactly could be floating around in the water. They slowly walked across the sand and up to the body which was now washed on shore.

"It looks like a pile of clothes," remarked Maddie.

"Hang on," said Zack, bending down at the same time Maddie did. "It's not clothes...it's..."

"Patrick!" gasped Maddie.

"Yes," said Zack, looking Maddie square in the eye. "It's Patrick."


	23. Argumental Endings

Cody put down the pencil. "Well, Zack, this is it," he said. "We're just about there."

"Uh-huh, sure," said Zack, nodding quickly. "Now go on and write the part where Maddie and I defeat the killer already."

Cody stared at Zack in disbelief. _"What?"_

"You heard me," said Zack nonchalantly. "We're going to use the play's ending where Maddie's uncle or brother or whatever killed that Charlie boy and where I didn't actually do it after all, defeat the killer, and live happily ever after."

"Yeah, about that," said Cody, feeling the need to stand up. "We were asked to re-write the _book,_ Zack, not the play."

"And the play comes from the book, hence it all fits," shrugged Zack.

"No, it _doesn't,_" said Cody, struggling to keep himself from losing his cool. "The book's ending speaks out on how human guilt can destroy a person. The play's ending speaks out on how using a happy ending satisfies the public no matter how sacrilegious it may be."

"Say what?" said Zack mockingly.

"What I'm trying to say is, the book's ending is much _stronger,_ hence it would work much _better,"_ explained Cody.

"Look, Cody, I think the book is cool and all, but that ending made me too depressed to make fun of geeks," said Zack, folding his arms across his chest. "The play's ending on the other hand made me want to go on a geek spree. Don't you just _hate_ it when the bad guy wins?"

"Well, yeah, but this is _fiction,_ not _reality," _argued Cody. "Just admit it, Zack: The only reason why you want to use such a _lame_ ending is so you can create your own pathetic universe where you and Maddie are together when in truth, you don't have a _chance _with her, especially now that we know she _killed _a little boy!"

"Look, I know it's natural of us to completely forget the lesson we've learned after only a week, but this is ridiculous," said Zack, stepping forward. "Maddie would _never_ do that; it's just not in-character for her!"

"Considering that everyone's most endearing qualities are being exaggerated to ridiculous proportions nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised," said Cody dryly. "For starters, her family used to be so poor that all she could get for her birthday was a flashlight and then batteries to go _with_ the flashlight on Christmas. Now, all of a sudden, she's able to afford hair extensions. Hair extensions don't come cheap, you know."

"And how do you know that?" challenged Zack.

Cody ignored Zack's question and said, "Where do you suppose she's getting all her money, hmm? From her _rich boyfriend,_ maybe? The boyfriend who inherited a lot of money after his beloved brother conveniently drowned?"

"She said they broke up," said Zack defensively. "And do you know what _I_ think _your_ problem is, Cody? I think you just want to gain brownie points with the teacher! You just want to take every opportunity you can to gain an extra good grade, don't you?"

"Better than slacking off and doing nothing!" sneered Cody. "No wonder your grades are so poor; it's because you've become a walking, breathing stereotype!"

"Well, look at the pot calling the fridge black!" sneered Zack. "You've become the archetypical geek who doesn't know how to have any fun! No wonder no one likes you!"

"Mom likes me!" burst out Cody.

"Duh, she's our mom, she's _supposed_ to like you," said Zack, rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" said Cody angrily. "Well—you've got a _stupid_ haircut!"

"Oh, what, you've run out of everything to make fun of, and now you're making fun of my _haircut?"_ said Zack angrily. "Cause guess what—we're twins, so when _you_ say I have a stupid haircut, you're saying _your_ haircut is stupid as well!"

"At least _my_ haircut doesn't make me look like a _girl!"_ argued Cody.

"Ever looked in the mirror lately, _buddy?"_ snapped Zack.

The two boys' arguing was interrupted by an ear-shattering scream. "What the heck was _that?"_ said Zack.

"I don't know," said Cody slowly, getting a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, "but I think we should go check it out."

The two boys ran out of their hotel room, down the hall, and to the elevator...which had a huge **OUT OF ORDER** sign taped on it.

The two boys faced each other. "Looks like we'll have to use the stairs," said Cody. He slipped his hand in Zack's and said, "Ready?"

Zack grasped Cody's hand and nodded. "Ready," he said.

The two boys headed off for the stairs, prepared to face any terrifying oddities they knew were probably waiting for them in the lobby.


	24. Finale

The further Zack and Cody ran down the stairs, the darker it got, adding to the already-creepy atmosphere.

"Is it just me, or did things get _not_ funny anymore?" asked Cody.

"No," said Zack, shaking his head. "It's not just you."

The boys made it to the bottom of the stairs. They ran straight into the lobby...and froze about nine steps in. There was a group of men standing all around the lobby in a circle, each holding one of the people dear to Zack and Cody's young lives close to them with a knife at their throats: Carey, Mr. Moseby, Esteban, Muriel, and...

"Maddie!" cried Zack, running straight into the circle before Cody could stop him. Just as the two boys made it to the center, the one person not holding anyone, a ski mask hiding their identity, hissed, "One more step, and your little girlfriend dies!"

Zack and Cody froze in their steps. Zack slowly turned around and said, "I know that voice. It's...it's..."

The person lifted the ski mask off of their face to reveal an evil-looking Patrick. "Me," said Patrick with a malicious grin across his face. "Surprised to see me? I'll bet you never expected that after being gone for so many months, I would come back...with a vengeance!" He let out an over-the-top evil laugh.

"Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute," said Cody, confused by the whole thing. "So what's going on here again?"

"As Mr. Moseby oh-so-kindly _tattled_ in his letter to you," said Patrick, glaring at Mr. Moseby, who chuckled nervously, beads of sweat pouring down his face. "Karl James was a criminal. He started his own little crime ring where various members would commit stealthy robberies and _kill_ anyone who got in their way. Mr. Moseby was a loyal member to this crime ring until, in a freak accident involving a can of soda, he quit. _But no one ever quits._ Do you hear me? _No one. Ever. Quits."_

"Wait a second," said Cody, realizing something. "Those two guys who were robbing the hotel last year...did _they_ come from the crime ring, too?"

"Precisely!" hissed Patrick. "Everyone _thought_ they went to jail when in reality, we killed them right before their trial began and made it look like an accident. We can't afford to have imbeciles in our ring, after all."

"So don't hire us," said Muriel dryly. The man holding her growled and she said, "Okay, okay!"

Patrick went on: "Mr. Moseby was good, but we needed another member: Dear beloved Jack. Jack, being the saint that he was, refused." He tutted and said, "That just _would not_ _do._ And so, Karl hired me to kill Jack in the dead of the night. Who could do the job better than his own, dear brother?" Looking around at the shocked faces, he laughed, "None of you ever _did_ learn my last name, did you? I'm Patrick James, twin brother to Karl James."

"I knew there was something I didn't like about you!" Zack dramatically declared.

"Well it's too late to do anything about it _now,"_ sneered Patrick.

Hoping to stall for more time to figure out what to do, Cody said, "So what about the other guys?"

"The young gentleman holding your beloved girlfriend is the one and only Hugh Hampton," said Patrick curtly. "Hugh has been a devout member of our crime ring for years. So devout in fact, that when his younger brother stumbled across one of our plans one day, he decided to drown him in the pool. He knew Maddie was smitten about him enough to claim _she _was the one there that day and say it was an accident. Having served her purpose, Hugh left Maddie to further focus on his own career."

"Isn't this romantic, darling?" sneered Hugh, pressing the blade to Maddie's throat. Maddie whimpered and her pleading eyes moved over to Zack, who could only whisper, "Maddie..."

"The two men holding Esteban and Muriel," Patrick went on, "are the Norfe twins. They befriended Esteban and Muriel to gain their trust over the past few months, swearing them to secrecy over their friendship, claiming to have a lifelong animosity with Mr. Moseby. Today was their birthday, as a matter of fact."

Zack turned to Esteban and Muriel. "So _that's _what you were so secretive about yesterday!" he exclaimed. "You were getting a surprise birthday present for the twins!"

"You have caught me, little blonde peoples," said Esteban guiltily. "Muriel and I—we were sworn to secrecy. We couldn't let anyone know. We wanted to surprise them with a nice, big birthday present, but we spent too much. And so, a cheque was written to Muriel from one of the twins to pay off her debt, on the condition we keep it a secret."

"Yeah, and all of a sudden, you guys don't _deserve_ a birthday present!" cried Muriel. "You're almost as bad as that _thief_ I used to _like!"_

"Muriel!" hissed Esteban, gesturing for her to stop talking. "Not helping!"

"And last, but not least," said Patrick, taking a dramatic pace across the room, right up to the person holding Carey. "This is my twin brother, Karl. Say hi, Karl."

"Hi, Karl," said Karl with that same Norman Bates-like grin across his face.

"Ha-ha," said Patrick dryly.

"What about London?" said Cody, stepping forward. "What did you do to her?"

"She went on a cruise two days ago," said Patrick, taking the dramatic pace once again. "Oh, don't worry; none of us _killed_ her. But we _did _arrange for her cruise to go for at least a week, meaning that by the time she gets back, she will find a pile of horribly mangled bodies in the lobby!" He let out an evil laugh. And this laugh did _not_ have a cough, suggesting he was _very _serious.

"Zack, Cody, forget all those times I chose the reward money over the safety of my own children and _run!"_ cried Carey, but Karl snarled, "Shut it, girly."

"Wait, what about the guy holding Mr. Moseby?" asked Cody.

"Him?" said Patrick. "Oh, there's nothing too special about _him._ In fact, we don't know if he even has a name. Or if it's a 'him' after all. But that doesn't matter." He whipped out a knife and pointed it at Zack and Cody, coming closer and closer, ignoring the faint sound of something starting up in the background. "Now," he said, slowly raising the knife above the two boys' heads, glad to see they were too scared to move, "Say your prayers, boys."

Before he had a chance to do anything, Arwin came flying down the stairs, his rocket pack strapped to his back, screaming like a little girl, knocking over (and knocking out) each gang member in the process, causing them to let go of their would-be victims.

"HOW DO YOU STOP THIS THIIIINNNG!" cried Arwin, steering his rocket pack in the other direction. "MOMMMMMY!"

Patrick ducked, but only for a moment or two. By now, Arwin had given up trying to steer. He closed his eyes and clicked his heels five times, muttering, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

Patrick slowly stood up just in time for Arwin to scream "There's no place like—HOOOOOMMME!"

_PLUNK!_

Arwin landed on top of Patrick, his rocket pack smashing into Patrick's head, knocking him unconscious. Miraculously enough, it also caused Arwin to stop flying. He stood up and said, "Hey, what's going on?"

"My boys!" cried Carey, running over to Zack and Cody and giving them both a tight hug. "I'll never choose Hawaii over my own boys again, never, never, never!" She let go of them and said, "Arwin, you're my hero!" She gave Arwin a full kiss on the mouth, causing him to let out a happy note before collapsing in Carey's arms.

"Zack!" cried Maddie. She ran up to Zack and scooped him up in her arms. She planted a kiss on his forehead and said, "I'm _so, so_ sorry."

"It's all right, Maddie," said Zack gently. "It's over now."

Not knowing where they belonged, Esteban said awkwardly, "Uh...Muriel and I are going to go call the police."

"Best idea anyone's had in...no wait, this is the _first_ good idea anyone's had around here," remarked Muriel, following Esteban to the nearest phone.

Mr. Moseby cleared his throat. He straightened his tie and walked up to Zack and Cody saying, "Well, boys, I would just like to say thanks. You may not have taken those criminals out, but you did manage to get one step closer to solving this mystery." He shook hands with both of them. "Job well done."

"It's been a pleasure, Mr. Moseby," said Cody formally.

"Of course, you _do _realize that by this time tomorrow, I'll be wrecking the lobby," joked Zack.

Mr. Moseby smiled. "After the glum atmosphere during the past few hours, I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Hey, Moseby!" said Arwin, leaping out of Carey's arms and towards Mr. Moseby. "I've been wondering what to name my new jetpack all day and I think I have a good name for it now: The Deus Ex Machina. What do you think?"

Mr. Moseby smiled wryly. "Brilliant."

* * *

Hours later, after being interviewed by the police and the local news stations, Zack and Cody were in their room, sitting next to their story.

"Today's been a long day," sighed Zack. "But I think we ought to finish this story for tomorrow. And you know, I think I have the _perfect_ ending in mind."

He whispered the ending in Cody's ear. Cody said, "That's insane!" He grinned. "I love it!"

"Good," nodded Zack. "Now let's begin to write the end..."


	25. Chapter 16

16

"You know what this means, don't you Maddie," said Zack, standing up at the same time Maddie did. "This is the end."

"You're right, Zack," said Maddie solemnly. "This is the—AAHH!" she screamed when Patrick stood up. He grinned and said, "Surprised to see me?"

"You did it all?" gasped Zack.

"Yes, I did," said Patrick evilly. "And do you know why I did it, hmm? I did it because I am sick and tired of going unnoticed. I'm always just 'that waiter guy who used to make the show funny'. How do you think that makes me feel, hmm? Don't you think it makes me feel a little unappreciated?"

Zack winced from Patrick's spit hitting him in the eye. "Dude, I know what that feels like, too," he said. "But you can't let it get to you."

"A little too late for that," sneered Patrick. "Prepare to die!"

He whipped out a sword. By sheer coincidence, Zack had a sword on him, too! He and Patrick then began to have a most ferocious duel—to the death!

"Hurry Zack!" cried Maddie. "Duck his sword!"

Zack ducked and their two swords clashed.

"Right, Zack, right!" cried Maddie. "No, not his right, your right!"

Zack and Patrick fought a most fearsome battle...and then Zack took a wound to the heart.

"Zack!" cried Maddie. She fled to Zack's side and held him tight. "Oh my darling, speak to me!"

"I...love you," sighed Zack dramatically before leaning his head back and dying.

Maddie slumped and began sobbing.

"Aw, poor Maddie," said Patrick sympathetically. "I'll bet that has you so choked up, you've lost the will to live, haven't you?"

Maddie gulped and nodded.

"Then come right this way dear," said Patrick evilly. "I know a good noose that will end your suffering..."

And so it was that Maddie Claythorne hanged herself in her bathroom tragically. And the insane Patrick Armstrong had completed his vision of ten dead bodies and an unsolved mystery on Tipton Island.

The end

"_Insane, but brilliant," declared Cody. "Now all we have to do is turn this in tomorrow and our A should be all set!"_


	26. Epilogue

The following Thursday at Zack and Cody's school was the day the teacher began to hand back the re-writes one by one to their fellow classmates. In doing so, she requested to see Zack and Cody after everyone else had left.

"Now boys," she said, "I have a few words to say about your little re-write. First, it is the funniest and most creative re-write in the entire class. I immensely enjoyed the first fourteen chapters or so. The characters felt very real and very true."

"So this means an A, right?" said Zack hopefully.

"Let me finish," said the teacher, holding up one hand. "The last two chapters was when everything began to go downhill. In addition to the comedic spirit being lost, the solution was ridiculous and unbelievable. You did not give much rhyme or reason to the villain's actions. For that matter, you gave little rhyme or reason to Maddie's actions, either, and you never did resolve if she truly was guilty or not. In fact, Maddie was perhaps the most weakly developed character in the whole story."

"Yeah, so?" said Zack defensively.

"So," said the teacher, "I am afraid I will have to give you a B."

Cody's eyes widened in horror. "A B?" he whispered.

"Yes," nodded the teacher. "A B. But do not fear; you two _do_ make a very good creative writing team together. I have hope for you yet, boys. Now off you go."

* * *

"Can you believe it?" lamented Zack as he and Cody walked through the hotel lobby. "We slave away for two whole days over this sucker and all we get is a lousy B! What's the Aesop of the week supposed to be _now?_ Work hard and you'll get zilch in return? Be funny and creative and people will tell you it's not good enough?"

"How about, it doesn't matter if you get an award; all that matters is having fun?" suggested Cody.

"Hey," said Zack, grinning. "You're beginning to sound just like me." Then, "You know, I _did_ have a lot of fun. I can't wait until we get to do our Death on the Nile project!"

"Ah," said Cody, raising a hand. "Let's not go there."

Just then, London came in through the revolving doors on roller skates. "Hi, everybody!" she announced. "I'm back, _and_ I got fabutastic new roller skates!"

"_And_ you made up a new stupid word," said Maddie dryly.

"That's not a nice thing to say to someone who pays for your hair extended-thingies," scoffed London as she roller-skated down the ramp. She soon lost control, however, and nearly bumped into Muriel who cried out, "Watch it, girlie!"

London nearly bumped into Esteban who cried out, "Eep!" Her rollerblades hit the table stand, causing the vase that had nearly been broken once and somehow managed to magically avoid being broken again to tip over.

"NOOOOO!" cried Mr. Moseby, leaping from his desk to the floor, where he caught the vase just in the nick of time.

"Boys?" said Carey, running into the lobby. "What's going on?"

Zack and Cody smiled at each other. "Nothing, mom," said Zack. "It's just another normal crazy day at the Tipton—as it should be."

**THE END**

_Credit song: __Here I Am__ by John Adair and Steve Hampton_

_Quote: Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be persecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot—Mark Twain_

**A/N: And now...for the first and only author's note in the entire story, lol! I wanted to steer clear of author's notes as much as possible for this one because I wanted this to be Zack and Cody's story, not my story. I always thought it funny there were plenty of "Ten Little Somethings" on this site that never once referred to the actual book. Instead of going the usual route, I decided to do something different: Make it a literal re-write by the characters.**

**I could not thank Cluedokid from the theartofmurder forums earlier for his suggestion on whom the other characters should be, and so now, you have my deepest thanks.**

**PS Don't be putting me on author alert just because Zack talked about a ****Death on the Nile**** re-write; that was just a joke not meant to be taken seriously. But please, if you are a fan of ATTWN, do put me on author alert just for that, lol.**


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